Remember the cold war? Remember defending the free world from tyranny? Remember the horrors of communism? Remember teaching Russia that falling in line with the West was the only way to salvation? Well, some of us can’t forget. Some of us believe the battle continues. Some of us are reminded daily of this never-ending struggle to preserve our right to be consumer whores (mostly because the Russian pictured above sits by us in Program Monitoring and Evaluation and heckles us about Nebraskan desolation). Things have changed however. Russia has progressed since their markets have opened and they’ve bent spanked by IMF and World Bank regulations. Let’s take a look at where things stand today.
Current issues of contention, play-by-play and points awarded:
Russia earns the first point for Women’s Day: On March 8th, Russia celebrates by declaring a national holiday. No one works. There are festivals in the streets. A feast is prepared. Gifts are given. All of this just for having a vagina! America’s counter play is weak. Women get an appreciative nod by their men folk for being radical enough to wear tight clothes and shake their over exposed cleavage on the bar top and still know the genders are equal.
Penalty -- one point deducted from Russia for poisoning women: http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/poison-sickens-two-us-women-in-russia/20070307110609990001
Russia scores again, this time for inventing reasons to make merry: Russia celebrates the oppressed minority of the pancake! On February 27th, Russian's light-up their burners, flip some flapjacks and smother a moist, piping-hot stack with Moskovskaya (vodka). While the US has found other inane reasons to celebrate (like Presidents Day) it is evident that Russia has far excelled us in enjoying the smaller pleasures life has to offer by kicking back a few and stumbling home with syrup smeared in inappropriate places. *Pancake Day enjoys special recognition as it shares the above Russian's birthday.
The US finally makes a play and ties for yet again swindling a country out of land at a low price (even if the land doesn’t belong to country selling it): Russia initially claimed Alaska. Apparently the first Europeans to reach our 49th state, in 1741, were Russians. After using the land for fur and attempting to defend it from the French, Russia got lazy and sold the cash cow to us (for quite the bargain). Rumor has it some want it back now that they know it is rich with oil and snow.
The final play of the day: Russia’s foremost ambassador to SIT has come-up with an impressive solution to the problem of useless American land. Sell Nebraska to Mexico. Ingenious play by Russia as it leaves America fumbling for a Mexican joke or comeback every time Hola or Amigo is used to breach a conversation. Russia also seems to be employing the tactic of fatigue and subsequent submission through repetitive reference and good, old-fashioned bull-headedness. For now they take the lead with this winning play. However, their efforts could backfire if the joke becomes old. Or if Mexico really does occupy Nebraska and a multitude of complications arise. For example: Will a passport be needed to return home? Will former Nebraska citizens need to learn Spanish? Will the coveted, bland Mexican-American (TexMex) food be made into too-spicy, authentic South-of-the-border comida? And will we need to build a wall in the middle of the country?
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